Allies are also part of the Queermunity!
I’m Sam, I’m an out and proud Bisexual and I came out to my family two years ago. My brother Kirk has been incredibly supportive of me at every step. Aside from supporting me and just generally putting up with me, he is an absolute hero. He is a kind, protective, occasionally hilarious man and an excellent father (no he didn’t pay me to say that!). I am aware of how fortunate I am to have such a close ally, but I wanted to know how he felt about the rainbow sheep of the family. I sat down with him to find out:
Did you know that I was bisexual/queer when we were growing up?
No, I didn't, there weren't any tell-tale signs that I could see when we were kids.
How do you feel about me now that I've come out?
Fantastic! I’m really happy about the fact that you’ve come out. You’re happy, you’re being yourself and now you’re living your life how you want to instead of keeping things a secret.
When you think about being an ally to queer people and to me, your sister, do you see that as something important to you and important to our relationship?
To me, people are just people regardless of their sexuality. I don't see why anyone should have to be put in a box. A person is just a person whether they like men/women/non-binary people. It doesn’t bother me in a negative way at all. To me, why would someone's sexual orientation or gender diversity matter to me? In the same way I have heterosexual and cisgender friends, I also have queer friends. You wouldn’t sleep with your heterosexual friends and you’re not going to sleep with your gay friends either! It should be a case that if people are nice to me, I'll be nice to them.
How would you like the future to be for LGBT people, in say ten year’s time?
I think things are definitely moving in the right direction, it's now more acceptable to be out - as it should be. I think when my kids get older, obviously they will grow up knowing about queer people because of their Aunt and it will just be a normal part of their life. My family won’t grow up treating LGBT+ people like aliens because they are ‘different’, because they’re not different, they’re just normal people and their lives should be classed as ‘normal’ in the same way heterosexual relationships are.
One thing that really touched me the most when I came out, was how you immediately said ‘ok we will let my kids know’ as if it was no big deal, it felt very accepting. There is a fear as a queer person that even if an adult accepts your sexuality, that they still might worry that I will somehow ‘corrupt’ children with my queerness.
Sexualisation of any relationship shouldn’t be there, straight, gay, whatever when talking to a child. So, to assume that a queer person would discuss a sexual relationship with a child is ridiculous. If I were to tell the kids that you were in a relationship with a man/woman/person, it would simply be introducing a partner of my sister to the kids, it wouldn't make any difference if it was ‘Auntie Sam has a boyfriend’ or ‘Auntie Sam has a girlfriend’. They’re young kids, they don't need to know that their aunt has had to come out, because at their age it means nothing to them, they’ve been shielded from the world's biases. Too much detail would cause lots of questions and confuse them. So to me, if you were to introduce them to their Auntie Sam's girlfriend it would be just as normal as introducing them to Auntie Sam's boyfriend.
How do you try to help LGBT+ people as an ally?
To me being an ally would be calling someone out that was being homophobic in public and supporting people in my life like you. I’ll always be there for my sister as and when you need me.
What would you say to someone who makes a homophobic or bigoted comment?
Sort your life out! If I see someone out on the street shouting or raging against someone for being gay etc, I’d tell them to wind their neck in.
How would you react if one of your kids were to come out to you?
As long as they're happy, safe and not hurting anyone, I don't care who they love. It wouldn’t affect our relationship at all.
Are there any queer people in the public eye that you think are aspirational?
I think the most prominent modern figure to me would be rugby player, Gareth Thomas. He not only came out as gay, but also as having HIV and has done some amazing things to raise awareness of the disease. It shows that anyone can contract it, even the ‘big strong tough guys’'. He represents so many men out there, who are in industries that are tough for queer people and gives them a voice. He's also a household name, so raises awareness with the general public too.
Article Written By Sam Watts