Sharing your Identity at Work

A discussion of what it is like and what it means to come out as LGBTQIA+ in the workplace.

I came out when I was 28. Like millions of young queer people before me, I have spent many difficult and angsty years trying to accept myself for who I am. After I finally made the jump to share who I am with those closest to me, I made a conscious decision not to hide who I was ever again.

"I made a conscious decision not to hide who I was ever again."

This decision has been thrilling and cathartic. But it has also been very risky and has made me feel vulnerable at times – particularly in the workplace. I am well aware that being out and proud is definitely a privilege that I have and I am lucky not to have experienced discrimination in the two jobs I have had since being out.

In 2018, Stonewall released the results of a study that showed that approximately 35% of LGBT+ workers and 38% of bisexuals have hidden their sexuality at work for fear of discrimination. Workplace bullying for LGBT+ people has a notorious history and to this day almost 1 in 5 LGBT+ employees have experienced negative comments or bullying. The number rises significantly for BAME, disabled and trans members of our community.

"Almost 1 in 5 LGBT+ employees have experienced negative comments or bullying."

It’s heart-breaking that so many people still have to hide who they are at work for fear of discrimination.

I somewhat naively came out at my first job – it was very accidental. I think back on that time and wonder if I would have been so forthright in telling everyone straight away if I had known as much about the discrimination that we face as I do now.

The first colleague I told that I was Bi was actually the first person I had ever come out to. We were out for a Christmas party at work, chatting about the upcoming holidays, and it just came out.

Fortunately, they were also a very good friend and made it very easy for me. They supported me when I decided to come out to our colleagues, and they were an excellent sounding board when someone would say something frustrating to me.

I have always worked for industrial companies in Engineering or Manufacturing. In my experience, there aren’t many women – let alone queer women – in this field. Most people I have worked with have never spent any significant amount of time with a queer person before meeting me.

I worried a lot about getting inappropriate questions, but actually most colleagues seemed hesitant to ask me questions, even when they expressed that they were curious. I found this very interesting.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that if I am ever to be truly accepted as part of society for who I am, I need to be open to conversations and questions, where appropriate. I decided I was happy to be open if it meant that one more person in the future had an easier time standing up and showing their pride.

I started small: I brought together a group of close colleagues and offered to answer any questions they might have. After some initial hesitancy, we discussed the idea of bisexuality and fidelity, bisexual attraction, differences between Bi and Pansexual people etc. What I found was that the more people felt they could ask their questions without fear of judgement, the more comfortable they became. Mostly, there was curiosity, but no ill intentions or discrimination. There isn’t harm in asking a question if the question is being asked with genuine curiosity and if the person answering is happy to answer it.

"The more people felt they could ask their questions without fear of judgement, the more comfortable they became."

I was slightly more particular about how I discussed my sexuality at my first job. Because I had known my former colleagues before being out, it was harder and I felt like I had to justify myself more.

However, on the first day of my second job I – a little self-consciously – put up a Bi Pride flag on my desk. My boss walked in, pointed at it and said: “Nice flag!”

We talked Pride and LGBTQIA+ rights along with my other colleagues right then and there, which was a huge relief. I am very fortunate to have found colleagues and a boss that are allies too.

I know it’s nice and easy for me to sit here and tell you how great it is to talk through biphobia. Wow, if only queer activists and pioneers had thought of such a thing in the past!? I understand that this isn’t something every LGBTQIA+ person should or would want to do, and nor should they have to. But for me personally, I love the thought that one more person has realised that being queer doesn’t make you any different from anyone else.

We all want love, we all want respect, we all want peace. Being so out and proud in this way, especially at work, has done wonders for my self-acceptance and confidence. Being able to talk openly about my queerness has been a wonderful comfort to me.

My colleagues now excitedly tell me that when someone they know comes out they will point out anything Bi or LGBTQIA+ in the news. We discuss LGBTQIA+ issues as a group like any other issue. It’s sweet and makes me feel very accepted.

My hope is that one day young queer kids see adults in their lives talking positively about queerness and that they go on to feel comfortable to live their lives authentically.

Article Written By Sam Watts

Have you been discriminated against at work for being LGBTQIA+?

- If you are able to and feel safe to do so, raise a complaint with your HR Department.

- Contact Citizens Advice for their help: www.citizensadvice.org.uk.

- Stonewall has information regarding discrimination on their website (www.stonewall.org.uk) and you can call them on their free helpline on 0800 502 020.

Words Cited

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/media-statement/stonewall-reveals-coming-out-work-still-problem