An exploration of Identity as an intersectional and multi-faceted concept.
Identity seems like such an absolute word. So final. When I was asked to write this I excitedly sat down and started warbling on about the different parts of who I am and I very quickly realised that not only was it incoherent- I swear I’d only had one glass of wine - it was also really hard because identity, for me anyway, is essentially a process of discovery and I can find no definitive way to describe it.
"Identity, for me anyway, is essentially a process of discovery and I can find no definitive way to describe it."
Who I was, who I am and who I am going to be. My past, my present and my future. Three intrinsically linked states that influence and define each other, ever evolving. An ever-changing, interlocking of contributors; race, age, gender, sexuality, culture, lived experience, location, class, opportunity- moulding consciously and subconsciously into some semblance of a personal definition.
Identity is fluid. Undefined. Changeable. It is a mixture of predetermined factors and choices you (or others) have made. Mostly it’s the version of you that you decide to share. Of course there are constants decided before you are born or before you are able to make choices for yourself but many of these can be changed or redefined.
"Mostly it’s the version of you that you decide to share."
It’s the sum of many parts and the version most people show is never the whole but the more people show the more relatable they are, the more there is to identify with. The more you want to know. It’s how we make friends. Build communities. Support each other.
So I began the impossible task of trying to write about identity from the angle which I know best, mine, and settled on writing a list of identifiers and weighing them up, trying (and failing) to find some sort of order. However I realised, that in trying to define myself, I also had to accept that there is an element of external input that needed to be acknowledged because who we are can in some ways be influenced by who we are perceived to be. Of course this increased my list tenfold so in order to not bore you all into oblivion, I’ll focus of three main areas.
I am black and I am a woman, before anything else. Why? They are the most visible parts of my identity. The parts I can’t hide and for the most part, can’t be separated. The parts people judge me for when they meet me for the first time, the predetermined stereotypes, loud, angry, aggressive, difficult- unfortunately, I don’t get the benefit of positive female stereotypes, such as delicate and nurturing, they are reserved for women who are not black. In many ways these two of many identifiers make me feel hyper visible- people are always aware of my presence, in shops I get followed. In pictures you can point me out. I’m often the token in a very visible way. At times I also feel invisible, when it’s time for a promotion, or when I put my hand up to share a thought, answer a question or put forward a suggestion. The journey of developing into my present and future self is tougher and more challenging because of these two things (and the rest!) yet, now, I am proud of them. It took a while, years of learning, unlearning and relearning who I am, where I come from, why and how I should be proud. In that I found power. Confidence to live my life in colour. To explore and enjoy all the parts of my identity that make me, well… me. Because in the words of RuPaul ‘If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?’
"Confidence to live my life in colour"
Another factor that contributes to my identity is sexuality. Both within the LGBTQ+ community and in wider society, identifying as LGBTQ+ can sometimes feel like there is an emphasis put on how much weight should be given to sexuality and gender, like the feeling you need to come out multiple times a day if you are ‘straight passing’, or being the voice of the community when HR have a new initiative in the office or having to explain how you started a family, like we don’t have Google. For some it seems like it’s all of who they are, for others it’s a part of who they are, and then for a few more, it’s a part that they are scared to share. Whichever category you fall into, rest assured you are not alone and there is no right or wrong. It's still part of you and not one choice has to define you.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, identity is ‘who a person is, or the qualities of a person or group that make them different from others’. The LGBTQ+ community often use ‘labels’ to define those qualities, which in many cases can be helpful descriptors of who we are, can help us to find others who are like-minded or compatible partners. There are also those who do not like to be labelled, prefer to just be or dislike the division that labels can cause.
"Being LGBTQ+ has...allowed...the opportunity to be unapologetically me."
As a standalone identifier, being LGBTQ+ has on the surface, allowed entrance to a community which protects freedom of expression in a way that is not experienced in wider society, the opportunity to be unapologetically me. Nevertheless when combined with my ethnicity and gender, I’m reminded more of diversity and less of inclusion and equity. There are very few spaces for queer women, and even less for queer people of colour, fetishisation and anti-blackness on dating apps, the comments made about the lack of need for UK Black Pride, the micro-aggressions at networking events. Working out which identifier is causing the behaviour just gets tiring. So I talk about it, at work, at home, to my friends, at events. I talk about wanting to be afforded the same opportunities as cis, het white males, the privilege of being able to exist in all spaces as your whole self. I talk about deconstructing systematic racism, homophobia, gender equality, ableism. I talk about identity. I talk about standing in your power, the strength of difference and the value of unity. The importance of creating spaces where we all can feel and be proud of who we were, who we are and who we are going to be.
Black. Woman. Cis. Queer. Womanist. Girlfriend. Sister. Cousin. Friend. Activist. Amateur chef. Teacher. Nurturer. Protector. Unapologetic. Femme. Proud.
Article Written By Sam Kingsley
(Architecture LGBT+ Board Member)
(She/her)
Photo Credit: Â @nickcaville
Works Cited
Cambridge.org. (2019). IDENTITY| meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary. [online] Available at: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/identity
RuPaul featuring Walsh, M (2014) Can I get an Amen?